Kangatarians

An Australian Poem

The stereotype of Australians as beer-drinking barbecue lovers is a largely benign and accurate one. International readers, however, probably don’t know about a small group of people known as “Kangatarians,” who don’t eat meat unless it comes from a kangaroo. How do they justify their choices? I’ve written a short poem exploring the topic.

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There is a group, the Kangatarians,
Who differ from the vegetarians
In that they sometimes eat a kangaroo
Or use its skin as outer for a shoe.
Why, though, do they abstain from eating meat
Unless it hops on furry, ski-sized feet?
They claim the kangaroo’s a bloody pest
(To which their fields of ruined crops attest)
And say there ain’t a ‘roo of any worth,
Not even if it sings with swans in Perth;
And they insist: to save our golden farms
Australians should eat half their coat of arms.
They add an ethical justification:
The kangaroos roam free throughout the nation
And do not suffer in an abattoir
(Although they’re often squashed by truck and car).
While other veggie-munchers are dogmatic,
The Kangatarian is more pragmatic:
For his fresh meat no animal will suffer —
A gracious bounty! Even a silly duffer
Can see that. When the carrots have gone stale,
He’ll feed his family with a long ‘roo tail.
So save the earth! At your next barbecue
Forget the shrimp, throw on the kangaroo!

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