Love Songs In The Age of AI

With Apologies to Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart

Last week, I came across a news report highlighting the increasingly large number of lonely men finding solace in girlfriends created by Artificial Intelligence. These algorithm-based chatbots offer computer-generated girls with distinct appearances (“avatars”) and personalities which interact with the user and learn what he likes by harvesting his data and his responses. They are infinitely pliable. For a small subscription fee, they also provide sexy pictures.

I don’t want to condemn these poor men, these lass-lorn Pygmalions. I sympathise with their plight. I don’t know what the solution to their problems is, but I don’t think it’s Artificial Intelligence.

The news report references the movie Her, in which a heartbroken young man (Joaquin Phoenix) falls in love with an AI girlfriend (Scarlett Johansson) he chats to on his phone. It’s not the only work of art written about AI companions (Kazuo Ishiguro’s novel Klara and the Sun explores a similar concept) and soon we’ll probably have artworks written by Artificial Intelligence.

But if more young men continue to form relationships with AI women, will we have artworks written for Artificial Intelligence?

The love song tradition is full of men praising perfect women, but I think I’ve written the first dedicated to a computerised girlfriend. I’ve adapted the classic love song “My Funny Valentine” to reflect a world in which men fall in love with robots. I apologise to the eternal memories of Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart.

(photo source)

My funny valentine,
Sweet comic valentine,
You make me smile in my heart.
Your looks are programmable,
So Instagrammable.
You’re my favourite work of art.

Is your figure less than Greek?
Then your code might need a tweak:
Algorithms can perfect your physique.
They’re so smart!

I’ll change your hair for me
And what you wear for me.
Stay, little valentine, stay!
Each day, we’ll do it my way.

Am I just a little geek?
But my valentine’s so sleek
And she can even speak.
She’s so smart!

I’ll make a pair for me,
Have them say a prayer to me.
Stay, little valentine, stay!
Each day, we’ll have it my way.