Newspaper Editors Are Unemployed
A Different Perspective On Changes In The Media
Newspaper editors are unemployed
And I am glad.
Their reputation tarnished,
Like that of an exposed whore
In a Victorian novel.
Foul, snaking, interminable lines of editors
Awaiting the dole,
Clog up streets like fat
In arteries,
As one proprietor bums a cigarette
From the Great Unwashed.
Vanity of vanities! I remember as I scroll
Through my feed, skimming their archaic
Self-congratulation: the prizes, the praise
Lavished upon themselves to no avail.
Magazine editors are out of work
And I am pleased.
Behold: the paper tigers
With less authority and influence
Than a pre-teen with a webcam.
The tailored suit, the fancy watch,
The almost permanent pretentious smirk –
Where are they now?
The Daily Flop, The New Fiasco,
Blunders Weekly, The Setback Review,
The Underperformance Supplement
Are on display among the dodo,
The great auk, the passenger pigeon,
Competing for attention from
Bored schoolchildren.
HEARKEN!
The war apologists, propagandists,
Sycophants and farts
Have been reduced.
Their years of training,
Developing their meticulous technique,
Their balletic arabesques,
Their intellectual and moral grace
Have pulled a Harold Holt.
The professional changers of minds and hearts,
Ignored by the people they once disdained,
Are penniless.
So long, deadlines! Goodbye, wordcounts!
Farewell to all you meddling editors!
I write in blissful freedom on my blog.
If, by chance, my fifteen readers
Include a Neo-Nazi or a felon;
If, for sake of argument,
The written word were nothing but
Erotica and crackpot yabbering,
A cacophony of dunces,
It would simply be the result of
A miscalculated algorithm, a bug in the code –
Nothing to do with standards.
But supposing that such an event would bring
Slight feelings of nostalgia and regret, they will be soothed
By the memory of this triumphant day.
Pop the champagne! Shut up and dance with me!
Newspaper editors are unemployed
And I rejoice.
