The Shakespeare Men's Cricket Team
The Most English Post on Substack
Overnight, Australia reaffirmed its status as the world’s best cricketing nation by beating India in the World Test Championship. As the Aussies prepare to face England in The Ashes, I thought I would steal an idea from
, who assembled a cricket team made up of classical composers.My team, though, is made up of characters from Shakespeare’s plays. To make it a bit more interesting, I’ve limited myself to picking only one character from each play. (This is the men’s team, but I’m happy to put together a Shakespeare Women’s Cricket team if anyone is interested.)
I know this sounds like the most English thing ever, but it’s a long-standing Australian tradition to beat the Poms at their own game.
Coriolanus (Coriolanus). The Roman general seems like the perfect opening batsman. Proud, stubborn, and haughty, he isn’t going to be flustered by the opponents’ fast bowlers.
Tybalt (Romeo and Juliet). He’s fast, determined, and has good reflexes — qualities which make for an excellent opening batsman but also a valuable fieldsman. Like his opening partner, he won’t yield to anyone.
King Henry V (Henry V). An obvious choice to bat at #3, King Henry V is also my captain. He’s an excellent athlete, an outstanding leader, and gives inspiring speeches. His dedication to his country is unquestioned, and he shows no mercy to traitors.
Othello (Othello). His only weakness is his terrible judgement of private affairs; he might cause a serious off-field scandal. But he would be a superb batsman. He has a wealth of military experience, has endured slavery, and witnessed cannibalism. After that, nothing a bowler can produce is going to worry him.
Arviragus (Cymbeline). Almost every team has its “kid from the country” — Arviragus grew up in a Welsh cave. What he lacks in intelligence he makes up for in grit, sympathy, and ambition. He’s a great hunter, so would have excellent hand-eye coordination.
Nick Bottom (A Midsummer Night’s Dream). A weaver by trade, Nick Bottom has unbeatable confidence and can play any role. I have him in my team as an all-rounder.
Feste (Twelfth Night). Feste is my wicket-keeper/batsman. A good wicket-keeper needs to be able to anticipate the actions of the bowler and the batsman and he literally sees the game from a different angle than most players. That’s why I’m picking Feste, the smartest person in his play, who isn’t fooled by any of the deception going on around him. He’d also be excellent at making sly remarks to the batsman to put him off his game.
Prospero (The Tempest). My first bowler can make the ball spin, swing, and seam. He’s literally a magician, so he can make the ball do exactly what he wants. He might be too old to play professionally, but James Anderson is 40 and still in excellent form.
Pericles, Prince of Tyre (Pericles, Prince of Tyre). Always eager for a contest, Pericles is well-travelled, and has endured hardship, but never complains about his fate. Like Scott Boland, he’s a consistent, reliable bowler.
Prince John of Lancaster (Henry IV Part 2). The younger brother of King Henry V, in this play Lancaster tricks the rebels by promising them peace and then arresting them. With such talents of deception, he’d make an excellent spin bowler.
Sir John Falstaff (Henry IV Part 1). Sir John has no desirable athletic or leadership qualities. He’s a fat coward. He’s in my team because he’s my favourite character in Shakespeare. His wit is unconquerable, so I’d have him fielding in the slips to sledge the opposing batsmen. He also seems like one of those legendary cricketers from the old days — the type to slam down a couple of pies and a six-pack of beer during the tea break.
Have I excluded anyone? Who would you have in your team?